100+ Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes and Messages

Valentine’s day is all about putting a smile on someone you care about. Is the perfect occasion to tease your lover with the naughty humor of these Valentine’s Day quotes. Sometimes you want to be bold and move away from the traditional valentine’s practice where all people want to send are plain love quotes. Sometimes you want to send a valentines message to just a friend or family which is not necessarily mushy. You want to make it funny, enjoyable and adventurous and you just know they will love it. There is nothing that does the trick more than to throw bits of humor in it that will leave the receiver completely cracked. It can either be sick humor or plain humor depending on the recipient. We will show you just how to bring out the joke without comprising on the theme of the day with our list of funny valentine’s day quotes. If you want to win your lover’s heart, use humor.Funny Valentine's Day Cards- You Suck Less Than Most People

Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes from Famous People

  • Love is a grave mental disease. – By Plato
  • Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. – By Albert Einstein
  • Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. – By Cathy Carlyle
  • Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. – By Groucho Marx
  • Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing. – By Helen Rowland
  • Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. – By Mickey Rooney
  • Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults. – By Thomas Szasz
  • I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. – By Dorothy Parker
  • All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – By Charles M. Schulz
  • I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV. – By Tracy Smith


  • I’m tired of love; I’m still more tired of rhyme; but money gives me pleasure all the time. – By Hilaire Belloc
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.- By Maya Angelou
  • Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. – By Groucho Marx
  • It is impossible to love and be wise. – By Francis Bacon
  • It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. – By Fred Allen
  • It’s funny how we set qualifications to the right person to love, when we know at the back of our heads the person whom we truly love will always be an exception. – By Ally McBeal
  • Like I’ve always said, love wouldn’t be blind if the braille weren’t so damned much fun. – By Armistead Maupin, Maybe the Moon
  • Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing. – By Jonathon Swift


Funny Valentine’s Day Cards

Funny Valentine's Day Cards- I Tolerate You Funny Card Funny Valentine's Day Cards- Thats Love Funny Card Funny Valentine's Day Cards - Funny Valentine Card

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly

 Hilarious Love Quotes

  • A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. – By Ingrid Bergman
  • Love – By a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. – By Author Unknown
  • Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. – By Lynda Barry
  • Love is being stupid together. – By Paul Valery
  • Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. – By Judith Viorst
  • Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion. – By Mirabeau
  • Love is not blind; it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. – By Julius Gordon
  • Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. – By Robert Heinlein
  • Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. – By Hoosier Farmer
  • Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart. – By Author Unknown


  • Man loves little and often. Woman much and rarely. – By Basta
  • Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. – By Rose Franken
  • Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, – By but not for love. – By William Shakespeare
  • My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to. – By Rita Rudner
  • No matter how love sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along. – By Joyce Brothers
  • Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. – By Henry Kissinger
  • One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall out of love with him, or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until maybe you fall in again. – By Judith Viorst
  • One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. – By Oscar Wilde
  • The art of love is largely the art of persistence. – By Albert Ellis
  • The bravest thing that men do is love women. – By Mort Sahl
  • The Eskimos have fifty two words for snow because it is so special to them; there ought to be as many for love. – By Margaret Atwood
  • The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing. – By Blaise Pascal


  • The lover is a monotheist who knows that other people worship different gods but cannot himself imagine that there could be other gods. – By Theodor Reik
  • The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post. – By George Bernard Shaw
  • The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead. – By Ann Landers
  • There’s a certain part of the contented majority who love anybody who is worth a billion dollars. – By John Kenneth Galbraith
  • Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love. – Yiddish Proverb
  • To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia. – By H. L. Mencken
  • Without love, what are we worth? Eighty- By nine cents! Eighty- By nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. – By M*A*S*H, Hawkeye
  • Women are cursed, and men are the proof. – By Rosanne Barr
  • Women with pasts interest men. They hope history will repeat itself. – By Mae West
  • A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting. – By Helen Rowland
  • A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous. – By Coco Chanel


Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes

  • A very small Valentine is called a Valen-tiny.
  • Roses are blue, violets are blue. If she is busy, then the girl next door is yours.
  • An elephant greeted a girlfriend: “I love you a ton”.
  • A bat wished its girlfriend “ I love to hang out with you”.
  • A card said to a stamp” Stick with me, I’ll go places”.
  • A boy candy said to a girl candy” we must mint with each other”.
  • Happy Singles Awareness Day!
  • On a valentine day, one magnet said to another magnet” you are very attractive”.
  • A candy said “you look hot” to a hot chocolate and hot chocolate said,” thank you are very sweet”.
  • A man with a broken leg said to the nurse” I have a crush on you”.
  • Two chirpy birds in love are called tweethearts.
  • One boat said to another” are you up for a little “row-mance”.
  • A whale asks a dolphin: “Whale you be my valentine”…the answer is: “Dolphinately”.
  • Shrunks celebrate Valentine ’s Day because they are very scent-imental.
  • On a valentine’s day, a vodka for two is cheaper than dinner for two.
  • One snake wished another” give me a hug and a hiss”.


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